Hello blog reader(s). It's been a while since my last missive and with good reason. I haven't felt the need to express my progress because I feel like I've just been living it.
I've come along way in my journey but still feel like I have a long way to go. I would say the mode I am in now is Extreme Self Awareness peppered with baby step accomplishments toward the goals so painstakingly formulated on my Action Plan with my coach.
Something he continually points out to me is how emotionally-laden all my exchanges with colleagues tend to be (at least as perceived by me). I need to look at the fact that I am overwhelmed and in way over my head with my numerous and rapidly advancing job responsibilities as a Business Need, not an Emotional Crisis. I need to be solution-oriented, and strategic versus reactive and panicky. I realize whenever I talk about where I am in my work situation, I want to cry. I am sooooo emotional about it. But it doesn't have to be that way. It's a job, it's business, we are all on the same team and we all have the same goal. Just because it's not ideal is not a reason to cry about it. This can be solved, without any tears.
I'm fresh off another round of Leadership Training and feeling pretty good about life! There is something about taking the day away from the daily grind to enlighten yourself, vent with colleagues, and talk about the big picture, your hopes and dreams, strategic plans, and where you see yourself in 5 years.
Today was a Super Easy Brain Day, one of my favorite kinds of days. We listened to interesting people speak, got a campus tour and listened to more people speak and got to ask questions. I did not have to delve deep into my soul to find my inner confidence. I did not have to think critically about my conflict resolution style. I did not have to come up with a fully developed program proposal PowerPoint presentation with 12 diverse colleagues in 90 minutes. Easy. Brain. Day.
I did notice something today, however, something that relates to my fear of small talk-laden, awkward, networking events.
I am afraid of important people.
I don't know what to say to them.
They are just so. Important.
So this week brings not a work-related confidence battle, but one we are all familiar with.
If your fridge is anything like mine, it's plastered with no less than 8 invitations to weddings, baby showers, bridal showers, graduation and engagement parties. At least a few of these are for friends or distant family members which you only see during major milestones. Showers are mostly single gender affairs meaning one must go it alone, and not with one's put-upon husband.
I had the good fortune to do this recently. My brother's best friend is getting married. Though she and I aren't super close, we I have a kinship that revolves mostly around our ridiculously good dance moves. Rare is the time that we have hung out sans-frère, but he wasn't invited to the shower, a ladies-only luncheon.
Welcome back to the chronicles of Nicole!
We had another summit last Friday and I took active steps to meet my developmental goal of confidence and assertiveness.
Sounds like I'm done, then, I'M OUT! *drops mic*
No, not really. Let's walk through this experience, shall we? I started the meeting off very timidly, reverting to my usual secretarial role. We started off listing the five dysfunctions of a team, and creating our own group norms for how we're going to work together as, I hope, a not-dysfunctional team. We talked a lot about respect, etc.
The usual thing happens to me when I have to share ideas in a group - my heart starts pounding; the longer I hold back, the anxiety mounts until I have to practice controlled nostril breathing without being too painfully obvious that I am a nervous wreck. You know, the typical stuff.
I will get to my back story at some point (short story: newish student affairs pro), but really right now my main goal is to do some homework.
That's right, 30 years old and still doing homework. Learning never truly ends, does it?
I am so lucky and fortunate to be in a wonderful leadership training program at my job - 10 months of intensive self-reflection, coaching, mentoring, and teamwork with colleagues like me who were handpicked because of our potential for greatness. Just another day at the office!
Part of this process is to develop a set of personal development goals and create "Action Plan" for achieving them. I get 8 hours of phone time with my lovely coach to review those goals and figure out how to make them a reality.
Easier said than done.
Nice to meet you!
I am a tech pro, blogger, DIY'er, reader, TV binger, music lover, nerd and semi-crunchy mom. I write about professional development, being crafty, motherhood and politics. Thanks for joining me and letting me share my thoughts with you!